In the post-apocalyptic Twystopia of Twiter vs Zombies humans have little joy. Their friends are dying (only to become undead) all around them, food is scarce (except for brains which are pretty unpalatable), and there is a roving horde of bitingly (see what I did there?) witty zombies waiting to devour them…and while they can occasionally dodge an attack or snatch someone else from an untimely demise, there is pretty much no way to fight back.
While this surely is depres—-wait, witty? witty zombies?
Oh yes, friend. The digital zombie is a finer breed of zombie. Not only are they astonishingly organized, they seem to have retained some vestiges of their human intelligence…resulting in some of the funniest gruesome deaths and human taunting you’ve ever seen from the undead. If they weren’t devouring my friends along with my hopes for a future in which I die of old age, peacefully, in my sleep, they would be downright entertaining.
Anyway, while this is surely depressing, the one ray of light in a dark, dark world is ZombieBaiting. ZombieBating is a game played during that magical time one is in a #safezone and is therefore protected from attack. The horde is so large now that Zombies lie in wait, waiting for foolish humans to make their presence known (via a tweet) so that they can pounce. A human can dodge, but another Zombie will be waiting, another human can swipe, but then that human is bitten by yet another Zombie and then another Zombie bites the first person. There are no heroes here, only fools. I fear that the scale has tipped so that it is only a matter of time before the last of us humans have succumbed.
So when I am not bait, I bait the Zombies. Cowardly? Yes. Foolhardy? Most definitely. I know they are waiting for the end of my respite in the safezone (aka the abandoned library). I can hear them clamoring at the doors. Who knows how many of these safezones I can write before I run out of substantive things to say? How funny that my brain is the last defense against those who would eat it.
Still, it’s worth it to me in this time of terror to tease a few zombies when I can. I’ll best them with my taunts when I can, for in all other areas they clearly have the advantage. So assail my safezone if you want zombies, but as long as I’m here you’ll know that we humans still have spirit left to fight, even if we have nothing to fight with. And to my human allies out there keeping quiet, stay safe, bide your time, write a safezone. And when you do, join me in the abandoned library and we’ll bait zombies together. It will be the most terrifyingly thrilling (or thrillingly terrifying) thing we’ve yet done.